Ahhh finally I have time to blog without feeling guilty. Been so busy up to my ears with work. Though its all my fault for leaving all of them till the very last minute.
The hectic pace of my life during the past three weeks reminded me of the time when I was preparing for my finals. This one particular module made me cry like there's no tomorrow. My days were spent in the library, my nights were spent with my nose buried in several different textbooks, I googled every single info I could find but when I tried out the past paper I couldn't answer a single question! And I cried. I curled myself up near my window and cried. I threw up several times and cried some more. I phoned up my brother who was in the UK as well and poured my heart out. I can't remember what he said but I became calm and collected after that and went back studying. The next day I received an email from him....
When a person knows that Allah is able to do all things, that He alone makes choices for His slaves and runs their affairs, that the way He runs His slave’s affairs is better than the way the slave would do it for himself, that He knows better about the slave’s interests than the slave does, that He is more able to achieve them, that He is more sincere and more merciful towards His slave than the slave is to himself; and also knows that he cannot progress or regress any further than the limits that Allah has decreed for him, for nobody can change the will and decree of Allah – when a person knows all this, he submits himself to his Lord and hands over his affairs to Him. He gives the burden of his needs and interests to the One who is not concerned about how heavy or great the burden is. Allah will take care of it, instead of him, and will show him His kindness and mercy, without the slave getting tired or worried, because all his concern is now focused on Allah alone. He knows that Allah has guaranteed to take complete care of the one who puts his trust in Him, so he trusts Allah and has confidence in His promise. Thus his heart gains indescribable strength, his worries and anxiety disappear, hardship is replaced with ease, sadness turns to joy and fear turns into a feeling of security.
But as for the person who insists on running his own affairs and making his own choices, whose concern is only for his own share and not for his duties towards his Lord, Allah will leave him alone with the choices he has made, so he will be surrounded by concerns, worries, distress, grief, fear, exhaustion and depression. His thoughts will be confused, none of his deeds will be pure and none of his hopes will be fulfilled. He will gain no respite, and will enjoy no pleasure. He will never feel joy or contentment. He will be labouring like a working-animal, with no hope of gaining anything that could help him in the Hereafter.
Source:“Dealing with worries and stress” - By Mohammed Salih Al-Munajjid
I was lost in deep thoughts after reading the email. I realised my brother was reminding me that I forgot to put all my problems in the hands of Allah. HE will help me but only if I put all my faith in HIM. I can only do my best but Allah will be the One who will decide my path. I believe in rezk but my actions showed otherwise.
I became much much calmer after that. It felt like as if a huge burden had been lifted up off my shoulders. Who was I kidding? Allah knows me better. He wouldn't put me in this 'ordeal' unless He knows that I could face it. He was just testing my perseverance. My sabar. Studying wasn't much of a torture from then on. And Alhamdulillah I managed to go through it in the end. Alhamdulillah indeed.